“I Don’t Want To!”

Losing someone tends to give a person a “don’t give a shit” attitude. I have found this to be true across all boards, old and young. In each situation it shows itself in different forms. In some it cultivates itself as alcohol and drug use. Some it comes in the form of isolation, not wanting to be around friends or family. Some it tends to show itself as a death wish, meaning doing something that could ultimately end in death; driving under the influence, taking unnecessary risks or even one deciding that they would never allow themselves joy again. In one way or another they hang onto that grief and sadness until they alone are ready to let go of it. For some it comes quickly, some a little longer and some may never let go of their grief.

The older woman that I had met at the book signing, the one I had talked of in the last post, had shared something with me. She had shared with me that her family wanted her to do things with them; go places, attend parties, etc. They wanted her to go out and enjoy herself. “I don’t want to!” she had exclaimed to me. “I just want to be left alone!” She is not ready to go out and enjoy herself again. She, and ONLY she, will be the one to decide when it is time for her to let go a little and learn to live life again, in a joyful manner. It’s hard to make that decision. At times, when you let go to have a good time, guilt sets in and you feel terrible. “How could I have fun when my husband (wife, brother, sister, mom, dad, child…) is gone?”

What you have to remember is that other person would want you to be happy. They would not want you to be sad forever. It’s ok and completely normal for you to be sad, but there is a time that you have to let go some and just “honor” their memory. Let yourself be thankful for the time that you were given with that particular person, and let go of the anger for that person being taken from you.

We all know that life is a temporary situation. We know that each and every one of us will ultimately leave this world, we just don’t know when. After we remember that and come to terms with it we can let our loss change us for the good. We can in turn be that person that celebrates every day that we are allowed to spend with those we have left, whether it is our family, friends or maybe even a pet. We can be that person that enjoys every sunset, every kitten, every waterfall and every smile and stops to smell each and every rose!     -Gayle Dunlap-Kowalski